7 Things Your Kids Need To Know Before They Start Middle School

One of my biggest failures as a father (so far) was not adequately preparing my children for Middle School.  I was naive in thinking that all of the kids were going to be sweet, innocent, kind, and honest.  That was not the case!  Middle school is hard, on both the kids and parents.  Hormones, puberty, self esteem, peer pressure, and even dating are all issues that affect the daily life a middle schooler, and it is up to us as parents to help guide them through this difficult time.

I will be the first to admit that some of these topics are uncomfortable, especially when it comes to topics around sexuality.  But that is all the more reason you need to have these conversations.  Studies have shown that people in general, but especially kids, will consider the first narrative they hear on a topic as the truth, and anything that counters that narrative as a lie.  So you want to be the first one to talk to them about these things.  Whatever your family beliefs are, you need to teach them to your children before they follow along with whatever the kids at school are saying.  They need to hear the truth from you first.

I was caught off guard when my oldest child went through middle school, so I did a better job of preparing my youngest. My hope is that you can learn from my failures.  Here are 7 things that I wish I would have had open and honest conversations with my children about before they got to middle school:

1. Some kids are just mean.

Your children will encounter bullies, mean girls, and little punks.  They probably already started noticing this in elementary school, but it gets dialed up to 11 in middle school.  In fact, bullying tends to peak between the ages of 10-13.  No matter how wonderful your kids are, someone somewhere is going to find a reason to make fun of them, and it hurts. 

2. You will encounter LGBTQ+ kids and teachers.

If your children have not already been exposed to this, you need to talk to them about it.  Gender, sexuality, and personal pronouns are all the rage in middle schools today.  Whatever you personal beliefs, you need to express them to your child.  You don’t want their introduction to this topic to be in the locker room or a library drag show.  They need to hear and understand these topics from you first, before experiencing them out in the real world.  They will have questions, and if they don’t have the opportunity to ask you they will get the answers from someone else.

3. You won’t always win.

Middle school will be the first time that many kids will actually have to have skills and talent to get the part or role they want.  They will have to try out for the football or basketball team.  They have to audition for the theater or choir role.  And not everyone is going to make it.  Do not be the parent that blames the coach or makes up excuses.  Failure can be a great learning opportunity!  Teach your child that this is a part of life, and it is not always a bad thing. Working their hardest and trying their best is what counts, and encourage them to keep trying.  Making up excuses and allowing them to give up and quit after one setback does not help them.

“Embrace failure. Reframe it as a growth experience, and you’ll start to see what you’re capable of, which — by the way — is a lot more than you think!”

– Tim Tebow, 5x NYT Best-Selling Author, 2x National Champion, Heisman Trophy Winner

4. It is ok to try new things.

Most middle schools will have an extensive list of extracurricular activities, clubs, music classes, sports teams, and more.  Encourage your kids to branch out of their comfort zone and get involved in something.  This is crucial for building self-esteem, which is crucial for their mental and emotional health.  Even if they fail at something or don’t like it, they can take pride in knowing that they gave it a try and discovered it wasn’t for them. Studies show that girls’ confidence levels drop by as much as 30% between the ages of 8 and 14, so this is a crucial time to work on building up self-esteem.

5. A cell phone is not required, nor is it a right.

Your kids will try to convince you that they must have a phone for middle school.  Get ready to hear “But EVERYONE else has one!”  Do not give in.  A recent study has shown that middle and high school age kids today are showing anxiety levels higher than those of psychiatric patients in the 1950’s, and much of this is being attributed to the smart phone.  Instagram, specifically, has been proven to harm self-esteem, especially for young girls, along with Snapchat and TikTok.

Here are some recent statistics from SafeDNS:

• 40% of children ages 8–12 are exposed to phishing and hacking
• 84% of children have seen pornographic content online by the age of 15
• 72% risk increase of teenagers’ depression occurs when they often use social media
• Every 16 minutes an online abuse offense against a child takes place

A middle schooler does not need a smartphone.  The Internet is not a safe place, and your children have become targets.  If you do believe you need to get your child a phone, I would strongly recommend something like a Gabb Phone.

6. It’s time to talk about sex.

As uncomfortable as this might be, you need to have “the talk” sooner than you might think.  In a world where gender and sex are becoming more and more confusing for kids, you need to be your child’s source of truth on this topic, and you do that by teaching them the truth so that they are already prepared to combat the lies they will be told.  You do not want them hearing this from the kids at school first. 

I had “the talk” with my son when he was 11 (which he says “ruined his innocence and scarred him for life!“).  I did it the summer before he started middle school.  If you are worried about this, or don’t know where to begin (I didn’t!), then let me recommend this faith-based program that I used.  It lays everything out and has audio files that you listen to together and then have discussions around afterwards.  It’s a full step-by-step program and even has a workbook for the kids. It also has sections on what to look for in a friend, how to be a good friend, and how to interact positively with others.

My son later thanked me for doing this because it helped him understand that some of the things the boys at school were saying were wrong.

7. Peer pressure is dangerous.

Middle school is when peer pressure really gets started.  One study found that more than 25% of 5th through 8th graders consider popularity more important than friendships.  At some point your kids will be pressured into trying to do things they don’t want to do, just to fit in with the crowd.  Drinking, drugs, and vaping are all issues that middle schoolers start getting into.  But your children will also be pressured to do things you may not have thought of.  One of the big things right now is for kids to declare their gender and sexuality (bi/straight/trans/etc…), and once they make that declaration they are expected to live and fit in that role. 

Middle school can be an exciting time for a child, and for the parents. This is also a crucial time of growth and development in a child’s life. Middle school gives students the opportunities to become independent, learn new things and develop new interests, and prepare them for high school and beyond.

And it is up to us as parents to help guide them through this difficult and exciting time.